Ringing In The New Year...

Stardate: 24991.7

For what was suppose to be The Year of The Phenomenon, it turned into The Year of Total Bullshit! I would like every year to be a good year. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. In the case of 2009, it was horrible.

I don't ever want to label a year good or bad anymore. 2009 has been a total nightmare from the beginning. I guess having high hopes brought down my whole positive aspect of what was suppose to be a year of moving forward…instead, my life went backwards. So many things went wrong, it feels as though nothing good came out of this year. I lost my nice job at APS, I went to jail and dealt with a year of court drama, I had so many social imperfections, and I’ve become so distant from my family. It’s just so depressing…

I am ready for something new. I need to change my life around. I am sick of being stuck in a dead end. There is no time better than the start of a new year to change things around. I want to be happy again. I need things to go my way. 2010 is the year I’m going to make a few adjustments that will hopefully turn everything 180 degrees back in the right direction.

First thing’s first! I’m going back to school. I’m going to go for a pharmacy technician degree in the fall. I need to start my prerequisites this spring to get ready for the fall term. No more fucking around. I need a job that can support my way of living. I can’t stay at Sonic forever.

Next, I need to get rid of all the shitty people in my life that are holding me back. This includes people that are roughly judgmental. I’m sick of people that are closed minded and can’t think for themselves. I care for the people that care about themselves and others and treat people as equals. I’m ready to welcome new people that can see the world as I do.

Last, I need to focus on the future. My future. As everyone should say to themselves, “This is my world, everyone else is just living in it.” Drama that isn’t my own will no longer be tolerated. It’s time I worry about my life and not other people’s messy lives. Everyone is forced to coexist with one another, but not forced to involve themselves in someone else’s life. Drama is only a distraction from my goals.

2010 is the year my life is going to change. If I keep my head up high, I can strive to be the person I have longed to be…to be someone in this world.

I wish everyone a Happy New Year and wish everyone good luck on their resolutions. It’s not going to be easy, but everyone deserves some hope. Happy 2010!

Lost Things Better Off Lost.

Stardate: 24974.4

When it comes to friendship, friends are suppose to be there for you in a time of need. Friends are who you turn to, after all. It hurts when they turn against you and it hurts even worse when they totally replace you with someone else.

When my friend started hanging out with this guy he met,I got a little jealous. He’s with him all the time. He must be a better friend than me or maybe we just aren’t as close of friends as I thought. Things are complicated.

I’ve been there for him when he needed me countless times. I never expected he would turn on me the way he did. Suddenly, I’m out of the picture and when I need him to be there for me, I was rejected. Some friend, huh?

I’m having a hard time dealing with the fact that I don’t matter to someone I care about. Things are awkward now and I have to see him all the time. Things can’t ever be the same because trust is something hard to gain back. My trust in him was totally betrayed.

The feelings I once had for him are now lost…and probably better off lost. I just wish there was an easier way to deal with this situation, but like I said, it’s complicated…oh well!

Knowing Who Your True Friends Are…

Stardate: 24948.3

There is nothing worse than losing a friend. Someone you care about who you thought cares about you too. A friend by definition is a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. People can tend to make bad decisions sometimes and do things that can hurt a friend. Trust is something hard to earn back once its lost.

I feel so betrayed by someone I considered my best friend. For a time, we told each other everything. But now, he won’t even talk to me. Even though the feelings are still there, I know I have to let go. I’m not going to let another human being emotionally compromise my life. I am sad but it’s over. There are better friends out there. I just need to be careful and know who my true friends are. Friends won’t make me feel like this.