Time To Say Goodbye...

Stardate: 23996.8
Boy, what a year! So, many good memories. So, why do I just want it to be 2009 already? Because, for me, the years past don't matter. You can't change the past...no one can. I bet all I got on the future! It's time to say goodbye to old bad habits, it's time to make new friends, it's time to meet new people, it's time to do extraordinary things, it's time to live life the way life should be lived...It's time to say hello to 2009, the year of the phenomenon!

It Truly Takes A Heart To Care.

Stardate: 23964.3

The thing that bothers me most about myself is when I start to care for someone, I really start caring about them. I think of myself most as passive, like a lot of things that could bother one person, wouldn't bother me at all. I'll start thinking about someone and that's all I'll start thinking about.

I don't know what it is about myself, but I care about the world as a whole, but when it comes down to an individual, I can't bring myself to care. Not like anyone cares about me in this world. I'm fine with that. It truly takes a heart to care.

Oh My God...Shoes!

Stardate: 23956.1

The funniest shit happened, a journalist in Iraq threw not one but both his shoes at President Bush. It's like the biggest insult in Iraq to have shoes thrown at you...I think he deserves it for what we've done to that country.

My Evil Terrifying Hallucination!

Stardate: 23953.8

The last little bit of 2008 left just won't go away. That's all I want it to do. The only good thing that came out of 2008 is gaining Zack as a friend, and for waking up. 2009 is going to be a different year. A happy year! Of course, I have a New Year's Resolution...ha, but I'm fucking keeping that to myself...ugh! It's a battle between me and an evil monster I need to get rid of.

I have a stalker...I know who you are...you're gonna die, I swear to you...I will be the death of you! I promise you that. 2009 will be my year to break out of my shell and be the person I want to be, and not the person I am now. He died in November sometime. I promise me that.

Frosty Fiends

Stardate: 23938.1 December 8, 2008 23:15

For the past two weeks, I’ve been going to Wendy’s late at night before they close to get a large chocolate Frosty. Those things are so fucking good like you and understand.  I think they are good coping mechanisms, because they sure do a lot of therapy.  I could be played out in the dumps and Mr... Frosty will lift my spirits back up.  I know it's the metal December, but I don't care. December doesn't care…How do I know?  Because right now it's raining outside.  The whole days and really gloomy, cloudy, dark, like something bad was supposed to happen.

I guess what coping with is rejection.  I've seen that again and again and again.  It's almost as though I'm married to rejection.  I really do think that I'm a good person, and I do good things, and all I get in return is the feeling of being used and taken advantage of.  I wouldn't be so clingy as long as someone would pay attention to me.  I wouldn't be so negative if people weren't so mean to me my whole life. I grew up innocent, and came out hard core but still looking innocent.

It's like everyone in the world seems to forgets that I have feelings too.  I'm really good at hiding my emotions in front of people, but it still feels like shit when have to deal them myself.  So, for the past two weeks, the Frosty has kind of helped me deal with everything that is rejecting me. But I am who I am, and that's not going to change.  I also got into an awkward situation earlier tonight where it's too awkward I don't want to think about it or talk about it on my blog. But, everything is okay again, it was just a very embarrassing turned awkward situation ending in me freaking the hell out. But it's all good, because it was my fault…  It could've also been the powerful painkiller pills I took earlier this morning.  I think I've said enough already.  Yes, so I am enjoying my Frosty. Mmmm!

How Many God Channels Do We Possibly Need?

Stardate: 23934.1 December 7, 2008 11:51

My God! There are so many freaking God channels on TV. It's so fucking annoying especially Sunday mornings because it spreads to every single channel. I don't have cable, I just have bunny ears...and just got my digital converter box. Another thing too, if it's not a God channel it's in Spanish. Sometimes, I'll get lucky and get a Spanish God channel.
Bloody Hell! If I wanted to watch God, I'd go to church. It's like one channel isn't enough, if you get tired of watching Gospel, you can just flip the channel and watch priests and nuns glug down Jesus's "blood" aka Red Wine. There's a God channel for little kids too...gotta start the brainwashing early, I guess. Sometimes the Spanish channels are funny because someone is usually either fighting, crying, or something totally outrageous but you have no idea what anyone's saying. Ugh, I think I'm going to get a movie...this shit pisses me off!

Bye Bye O.J.!

Stardate: 23928.4 December 5, 2008 09:00

Today, I watched the sentencing for O.J. Simpson on CNN.  Well, I can remember, back in the day, I was in fifth grade and we all watched the trial for the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson, his ex wife, and her friend Ronald Goldman.  Everyone in their right mind, myself included, even though I was young and in the fifth grade, I knew that O.J. was guilty, guilty, guilty as hell!  Then, we also in shock as the verdict was read one juror after the other " not guilty." This horrible man just got away with murder.  Makes you think twice about the justice system of the United States.  He was freed and the nation, possibly the world, watched.
Now, visiting trial for the kidnapping and whatever else it needed for trying to steal his memorabilia back.  Today he finally got something that the really, really deserves...a guilty sentence!  You will now face at least 15 years in prison, exactly where he belongs.  I'm still amazed about the way justice system works.  Justice should've been served for O.J.  a long time ago.

December Has Not Yet Set In...

Stardate: 23927.7 December 5, 2008 02:46

Whenever I look at the calendar or even think about the date, my first reaction is that it can't be fucking December! How? Where did the year go?
Before I thought time just seems to go by faster as you get older or something and that's where the year went. But now, I feel as though anyone making a reference about the date, it's the same thing...where did the year go? I thought it was just me.
Even after five days, my mind just doesn't except the fact that it's December. Everything I can remember happening this year seems like it literally happened yesterday. Is that crazy? Maybe I am crazy. I hate it when I think about it so hard. I think I'll try and pretend it's November still and/or just forget about it.

What To Expect In 2009

Stardate: 23924.0  December 3, 2008 17:32

Here I was like a year ago bitching about how shitty 2007 was and how great 2008 was going to be. I can't complain because 2008 wasn't as shitty as 2007 but certainly didn't live up to it's expectation. 2008 wasn't a bad year either. I think it landed right in the middle. Hell, 2008 isn't over yet, so we'll see what happens.
Odd years, for me haven't proven to be the best years. 2009 has got to be better though. There's no doubt about things in my life are getting better, and I expect that to continue. I haven't felt this good in years. I saw my life in the past as stuck in a giant hole that I myself dug and would just soon be buried in it. But, I don't see that now. Happiness brings energy and fun and gains momentum in time. If I just keep up this momentum, 2009 will prove to be phenomenal. It's just something that I must keep working on and never give up.

I’m Alive!

Stardate: 23921.2 December 2, 2008 16:15

It's time I stop chasing dreams. I've let reality fade away. I follow blind hope and end up getting hurt. I've been hurt too many times. It's time to just have fun. Somebody recently showed me how to have fun again. I am thankful because for the longest time, I've been dead. Now I'm alive, and feel so good. I'm happy, and all it took was some peace, love, and dancing! Thank you! :)