Going Nowhere Fast…

Stardate: 24880.3

I always try to do the right thing by being an honest and nice person. But who am I kidding? I’m a mess…my life is a mess. I know it and everyone else knows it. I concern myself with other people’s problems when I should be worrying about myself right now.

I’ve got to bury the giant hole I dug myself before I end up getting stuck in it. There is so much drama I’m battling all at once, it seems so overwhelming. If I don’t start cleaning up, I have no doubt I’ll end up in that hole.

I feel like I’m held back from my full potential. The game I’m in doesn’t play fair. It’s like I’m going nowhere fast. The emotions, the drugs, the drama, the court mess…they all play a negative part in my life I wish I can erase. Life is simply not that simple. I need some help to get out, just not sure how to get it…

Where My Heart Belongs…

Stardate: 24875.2

Out of all the people in the world, there is only one person right now I have true feelings for. My heart belongs to Javier. I never felt this way for anyone as strongly as I do with him. I’ve been searching for that special someone forever now. I’ve searched hard, and in it all, I’ve been crushed and hurt so many times. As soon as I give up on the idea of having my special guy, he came out of nowhere and literally surprised the hell out of me.

Even though he currently lives far away, the time we had spent together was unforgettable. He is one of a kind. I respect him for the kind and sweet heart he has. Being so far away from him brought me down. I never felt it so hard to part with someone. When we parted ways and continued our separate lives, there was not day I didn’t think about why I shouldn’t just pack up and leave everything I know and love to be closer to him.

The happiest news I got recently was when Javier told me he was coming back. I now have a second chance to be with the guy I love. Hopefully, he’ll be here long enough for me to figure out where I want to go in life. It’s opened a door in the way I look at my future. I hope he feels the same too.

I loves you, Javi! MUAH!

Whatever Is Clever...

Stardate: 24848.9

Though the year has been very unpleasant and unkind at times, I’ve tolerated the tough confrontations that have come my way. I feel like I am consistently on trial as though I was charged for a crime I did not commit in some past lifetime. I should stop feeling like I am being punished for living my life. I am tired of playing victim and ready to move on.

I believe it is wise to remain optimistic. Things could be as grim as day, but when looking at things in a different light, it alters the meaning and true feelings one has of all that may oppose. Strength comes from gaining knowledge of challenging experiences and learning to combat them subsequently.

In other words, it’s been a rough year. Nothing seemed to go my way. I got through the challenges and now I’m ready to move on. I learned to accept everything the way it is and be more optimistic. I see now that the only reason why I had a bad year was because I made it a bad year just by seeing everything in the negative rather than positive.