Trapped Between Somewhere And Nowhere!

Stardate: 24832.4

It isn't quite clear where I belong. The world is chaotic and cruel. There are many people I don’t trust, people that pretend they care but don’t, and people that use me for what little I have. It’s confusing to decipher what people’s intensions really are as to who I can trust.

People are selfish. Everyone always does what’s in the best interest of themselves. Trust is a risky thing because people may decide to act with you or against you at their own will. Putting trust in someone is something I have a tough time doing. I have been betrayed many, many times. So the people I put my trust in are special because I hardly trust anyone.

Emotions are often a factor in social situations. I try not to become emotionally compromised by my feelings. Sometimes my feelings get the best of me and left in ruins and forced to move on. Whether someone cares about me or my feelings or not, pretending to care is something people do. I’ve been hurt by someone who told me they don’t want to hurt me. Why bother?

I hate and resent the feeling of being rejected or judged. I know that no one can help being who they are…I can’t help being who I am. I try being as socially acceptable as possible. I am a nice and generous person and share what little I may have. Some people see it as a venerability and take advantage of me. I don’t mind help others out, but when people abuse my generosity for their satisfaction, I become less kind and not as giving.

It’s hard not knowing your place in the world. It’s difficult deciding who’s with you and who’s against you…who you can trust and who you can’t…who cares and who couldn’t give a flying fuck! Feelings like this leave me trapped between somewhere and nowhere, wherever that may be. I have to face the world and all it’s challenges. Once again I realize I am all alone.