Repetition

Stardate: 24769.6

I hate dealing with emotional bullshit. I don’t know why I do this over and over again…get too attached to certain people. When I start to like someone, they will quickly be all I will think about. It’s an enormous problem for both me and the other person. I haven’t been able to keep myself from becoming clingy. The other person is usually trying to brush me off because who wants a clinger? I know I don’t.

I am a nice and a generous person. I like making people I care about happy. I will admit that I am a lonely person just looking for companionship. I think of myself as a social retard. I don’t fit in with most groups of people. I’m quiet and to myself in social situations mostly because I like having semi-intellectual conversations. The topic of most conversations are about usual, irrelevant, everyday bullshit. The punishment for being a social retard…loneliness.

I guess in the end, I just want companionship. I just want someone who can feel the same way I do about them. I start feeling sad and hopeless when I get rejected by someone I like. I feel like I should have LOSER tattooed to my forehead sometimes. I know that I am who I am I can’t do much to dramatically change that and excepted that. I’m really not one to judge others, but I feel judged and rejected by a lot of people. It’s not fair.

I would like to try fitting in with other people. I don’t care about being cool or widely accepted by everyone. I just don’t want to be lonely anymore and pouring my heart out to my blog. I hope I can someday find my lost happiness.