Stardate: 24080.8
There are things about people that I just can't stand and I don't think I will never understand. Working at a school has proven to be very challenging and overwhelming. I have learned to work and get along with my coworkers and all the teenagers running around. My coworkers are all older than me, most are old enough to be my parents. You'd think that people working in a professional establishment could pull off acting civilized, but that is certainly not the case here. The way things run, the way people are treated, and the way people act are examples of the crude environment. It's horrible.
I hate it when people act as though they like you, but in actuality, behind your back they hate your freakin' guts. This is something I just don't understand because I know if I didn't like somebody, I least make an effort to show it. Generally, I'm a nice person and you really have to do something horrible for me not to like you because unlike others I'm not as judgmental and I think that it's nice to be nice. My coworkers don't like me because I'm young, inexperienced to fulfill the full potential of my job, and I guess I don't work as hard as everybody else does. So, the secretarial staff secretly watched and documented anything that pissed them off. I mean, they just about picked off every little thing I did or have said an email my supervisor who is an assistant principal.
I've only worked there six months and there is practically no one there training me with all of the responsibilities that I was responsible for. Usually, I'd figure out a one of my responsibilities when someone would need it done. This doesn't mean I was lazy, wasn't working, or not doing my job at all. My first week there, I worked through registration which was total hell, but I survived anyway and learned the basic responsibilities of my job. Throughout the year, I busted my ass checking in and out textbooks to the thousands of students going to that school. I was overworked and definitely underpaid. I went along thinking for the past six months that I was doing a good job, but during my evaluation on Friday, that just wasn't the case. My supervisor read the list of all the little things I have done wrong that the other members of the staff didn't like. Mostly all of it, and it was a pretty long list, were stupid little things like going on a break at the same time someone would happen to need something from the bookroom, or forget to clear a student's fine from record after they pay me...honest mistake which is easily correctable, just stupid little shit. It was certainly the first time I heard anything about it because everyone goes on like it's business as usual and never confronted me with these issues directly. I'm pretty sure the whole list was created for the sole purpose to get rid of me. Why? I have no idea. I admit I've made some mistakes, last time I checked, I'm human and unfortunately, we make mistakes from time to time.
During the evaluation, he listed all the bad things I've done and none of the good and vital things I've done. Luckily, I had made a list of accomplishments and goals before the meeting. He didn't seem to really care, and because there is only two weeks left of my six months, there was no time to show real improvement...not that it would be checked anyway. So, I get a bad evaluation and it's sent to human resources and my future employment will be determined by people who I will probably never meet and I will be terminated.
Really, it's sad. Frankly, having to put up with everyone there, teachers especially, was hard and when they needed me to do something that I wouldn't know what they were talking about, it made them mad and it stressed me out. Again, I was literally hired and thrown in the isolate bookroom to figure thing out myself. I can agree that I may not be suited for the job, but I tried my best and that's really all anyone can do. It doesn't justify the treatment I received from the staff. I swear, I was like the only person working there who was brought up with any manners. No please or thank you. It's always, find this, do this, I need this!
Some coworkers were nice and will be missed should I be leaving, but most of the people I had to work with, are just flat out mean and rude to the students. They enforce too harsh of policy sometimes just finding ways to charge students for lost or forgot-at-home IDs. They are like 11.00 bucks for a cheap piece if plastic with their picture and barcode on it. I can understand the security issue with that, however, if they were caught without an ID, they were charged 11.00 bucks no matter what and the new ID would be delivered. Most of the fines assessed, like 90% or more, were all IDs. They tried making me send away students who didn't have hall passes after they walked all the way down to the bookroom for a book or to return one. Why the hell would I waste every one's time by sending a student without a hall pass back into the hall to go get one? It made no sense at all. All of the clerical and secretarial staff try running it like it's a prison...and not a school. I felt bad for the kids.
Typically, I'm not one to care whether or not someone likes or dislikes me. Whatever! Everyone can hate me until they are blue in the face, but I will not stoop down to their level. For whatever reason I was chosen to be exiled, it was really unnecessary to go behind my back rather than confront any issue they may have had with the directly. Totally unprofessional. And for my supervisor, who has no clue about running any operations in the bookroom whatsoever, who I rarely see or talk to because the bookroom was too far away for him to check up on me for six months, has no right to terminate me, nonetheless, call himself a supervisor...in order to do that, he would first need to supervise. I'm so fucking tired of people talking shit behind my back, it's my turn now! I'm pissed, I lost my job for no good reason. I hated the job but shit, it's better than no job.
People should try and make an effort to realize that I'm a person too. I'm in this world and going along for the ride just like everybody else. It would be nice if someone noticed me and recognize me as an equal. I want to do good in this world, I want to be center of attention, I want something other than the life I currently live. No one shows compassion, or feelings. Anger, deceit, angst, hopelessness are all the feeling people show toward me. Where's the love? No wonder I hate the world and all the people in it.
