Work Related Bad Ideas…

Stardate: 24722.4

When I was 18, I fell for a guy I worked with. Back then I was young and stupid with emotions and got too attached to him. His name was Jason. At the time, I didn’t realize how bad of an idea dating someone you work with was. There was always tension between us and it was really awkward.

He was the first person I really ever fell for. Being young and stupid, I didn’t know what love was, but I sure thought I did. Though he didn’t really have any feelings for me, the feelings I had for him were strong and they were certainly there. After he expresses his lack of feelings for me saying I was nothing more than a booty call, I freaked out. I didn’t know what to do, things started to get messy. I was angry and I felt used. I was so heartbroken.

If I had never experienced my obsession with Jason, I wouldn’t be the way I am today. The feelings I felt made me stronger in way. I see it now as a huge mistake and if I could go back and change it, I would. I learned a valuable lesson, not to let my emotions, whether they are good or bad, get the best of me.

Dating someone at work became a big no no! A workplace can become very stressful. Any drama would have to be dropped at the door. To have feelings for someone you work with plus the added work stress plus seeing them more often than you’d like to see anyone equal tension and frustration. It’s something I said I’d never do again…

But guess what? I kind of have feelings for this guy I work with. I don’t know, when I started there, I never really noticed him and I thought he didn’t like me very much. Not a lot of people do, however, I don’t really care. After working with him for several months, I thought he was an asshole the way he talked to me in a kind of spiteful tone. When I started working more nights, when he usually works, we started to kick it and get to know each other a little better. I guess I kind of started to like him, but in the front of my mind, that alarm would go off, BIG NO NO!

One night he had some alcohol and shared with me. We started getting a little playful and before I knew what my stupid drunk ass just did, we hooked up. I haven’t been able to get him off my mind since…

Mixed signals, one telling me I like him, another telling me to think about things for a minute, and another saying to go for it. We both agreed to remain friends because we work together. It really hurt me to be the one to bring that up. Though it’s for the best for both of us, I do really like this guy and I really do care about him and what happens to him. It’s strange and it’s weird because I can’t explain why I have these feelings.

I don’t know what to do. I try to avoid the feelings and think about something else, but in the end, I feel like crap because I can’t have him. I get so angry and jealous when he talks about his ex or other guys. I get excited to see him at work or if we’re just kicking it. At this point, I have no idea what to do. Every fiber in my being tells me to forget about it and move on, but for some reason I can’t explain, I can’t.